![]() ![]() It's the longest of long shots, I realize, but I'm going to toss it out there anyway: one or the other or both. You can still be there for him emotionally, you can offer what help you can financially, and you can help him secure health insurance.įinally, IMDONE, you frame your choice as the husband or the ex-one or the other-but there is another option. Ex-boyfriend or no ex-boyfriend, you can leave your husband-and you can leave him without abandoning him. You're only 30 and you wanted and still want kids. Whether you have that convo with your ex or not, IMDONE, you need to ask yourself if you want to stay in this marriage. And a husband who won't even discuss intimacy with you can't ask you to refrain from contemplating or even discussing intimacy with one of those options. You married someone who unilaterally changed the terms and conditions of your marriage-no sex, no kids-and you have an absolute right to think through your options. So ask.Īnd while that convo could be regarded as pre-cheating or cheating-prep or even cheating-adjacent, it isn't cheating. There's only one way to find out what your ex wants or doesn't want, and that's by asking your ex. Your ex may have been hinting about wanting to get back together, or he may not want to get back together and was engaged in what he thought was a little harmless/nostalgic flirtation-harmless because he knows you're married and presumably unavailable. So go ahead and call your ex and ask him if he'd like to get coffee with you-in a public place and shortly before an appointment you can't cancel. Whether or not you stay, IMDONE, you should explore your options before making up your mind. If sex is important to you-if you wouldn't be content in a companionate marriage and/or don't want to wind up in divorce court one day-hold out for someone with whom you click sexually. ![]() So, boys and girls and enbies, if the sex isn't good at or very near the beginning, the passage of time and/or muttering of vows isn't going to fix it. at first but- holy moly-the sex got a fuck of a lot better after the wedding! Now, maybe that happens-maybe that happened for you, dear reader (if so, please write in)-but I can't imagine it happens often. Here's something I've never seen in my inbox: a letter from someone explaining how sex with their partner was infrequent, impersonal, uninspired, unimaginative, etc. Indecisively Married Dame On Nearing Exit Can I follow up and clarify with my ex before I break it off with my husband, or is that too much like cheating? Is it selfish of me to even consider leaving at this point? I'm a 30-year-old woman, so I don't have a lot of time left to decide about children. I also worry that people would blame me because it will look like I left because things were tough. ![]() Plus, my leaving would hurt my husband's feelings, his health, and his finances. But if not, I don't want to leave my hubby and lose the decent life we built together. I think he was hinting that he wants me back, and right now that sounds like the answer to all my problems. Ever since, I've been thinking about him. We ended up talking about how important it is to him to have a biological child-something we talked about a lot when we were dating-and we got physically close, and that got me thinking about how much I missed sex with him. Until I ran into an ex-boyfriend at a party. I was, if not happy, at least complacent. and built an outwardly successful life together.
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